The Unknown Truth of Benjamin Franklin

December 11, 2016
Posted in Featured, Humor
December 11, 2016 Juddy Allen

The Unknown Truth of Benjamin Franklin

To say that Benjamin Franklin was a unique man, is an absurd understatement. You may as well say the ocean has some water in it. If one wished to frame the statement correctly one should say Benjamin Franklin had a profound effect upon the planet earth.

Before he served as Top Diplomat, before being an inventor, before being a scientist and giving humans electricity, before publishing the first newspaper, even before becoming Grand Supreme Marshal of the post office, he held the title of “Overlord of the Eight Sided Fight Ring” or OESFR for short. In those early days, he was known simply as Big Ben Frank. He helped shape what our country would become, he also molded our future leaders, and sometimes battered those that would be called our founding fathers.

The year was 1723, he had just proposed marriage to the very lovely, and well endowed with, large tracks of land, Deborah Read. Deborah’s mother had very recently lost her husband. His death put her the financial hurt locker. It was enough for her to be very reluctant in allowing her daughter to marry someone without loads of cash. Benjamin, at this time, not a rich man, was in need of fat stacks of cash. Big Ben needed to make a killing, and fast.

Using Logic and science like the titan of a man he was, deduced the only way to really make fat wads of loot, was to use the skills and abilities that the creator had bestowed up on him.

No-one could match his speed, no man could handle his style, he had been trained by ninjas to fight, and given the intellect of a skinny nerd. He would open, the up and coming countries’ first fight…club organization.

He started what was known as the Eight Sided Fight Ring. He would become the world’s first cage fighter. He would determine who would live on in glory, taking top honors, and become president or go crying home to mommy.

The occupation of professional fighter had a bit of a stigma to it back then because of the feminists of the time, so to avoid any trouble he cooked up a story about going to London at the behest of some liberal sissy.

The Eight Sided Fight Ring (ESFR) was an epic success, quickly becoming the standard for whom would lead and whom should follow. Often the ring was used to settle disputes of a personal nature, it even grew to include settling legal matters. ESFR finally became the defunct way to establish promotion within the military.

It was because of the Eight Sided Fight Ring that a certain George Washington was given the rank of General. More of this unique story will be given in the series I shall title “BIG BEN FRANK and the History of Kicking Ass”, or something like that.




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Juddy Allen

Avid history enthusiast, especially when drunk, and ranting about liberals. I served in the war, don't you worry about which one. 8 years in the navy did things to me. I refuse to talk to someone when pee'ing, them or me, I often have the urge to check if they're getting it into the bottle. I can hold a note singing for 7 minutes.
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