Dear Mister President,
I just got off the phone with my Mama in North Carolina and we have a family crisis upon us. My sister just turned 26 and is about to get kicked off my Mama’s health insurance. She’s having a baby next week, we think, and we’re all worried the baby might be born with just one eye. About nine months ago, the Daddy, Bull, was playing darts. Jared was fightin mad, you see, cause Bull fangered his sister under the bleachers that past Friday night, and then starting dating my sister. Jared stabbed Bull’s eye with a dart, alright. They had to cut that eye out and then Bull went home that very night and knocked up my sister. Now they might have a one eyed baby. I reckon adrenaline makes you horny.
My point in all this is that you need to push out the benefits until social security benefits kick in. I mean, shit. WHY are you cutting off women from their parent’s insurance during their childbearing years? What about justice for my 27 year old cousin Scrap Iron? He threw his back out at the supermarket when he lifted my Aunt Linda. She fell from her motorized shopping buggy after she backed into a stack of canned peas.
Mister Commander and Chief, could you also please have a word with my cousin, Jerry, medium height, medium build, he’s got the same color eyes as me. You should be able to find him. He’s in the Navy. Last Thanksgiving, he came home and shot off at the mouth about all kinds of nonsense. He says that my sister should have gotten a job with benefits years ago. He’s 20 and says if he’s old enough to get his head shot off by one of them dessert folks, he should be able to buy booze legally. On top of that, he honestly expects her to pay for her own shit. How can she when she’s pregnant? He even said that she shouldn’t be able buy booze or cigarettes if she can’t get her own health care, cause that is costing our country boo-coo bucks. Fuck him.
P.S. I got blue sapphire eyes.